PARENTING DILEMMA 2

Q. Hi I am a mother of twin boys. I am in need of your guidance on how to improve my both sons habit of not listening to what we say; they shout a lot and do not take care of their own stuff. We both parents have to be after them to take care of their own stuff. They are 10 years old. Please help.

First of all it needs to be examined whether this is happening every time you say something to your children or there are specific instances wherein they don’t want to listen. Also, is it that you both parents have to be after them every time to complete their tasks? 

One of our primary roles as a parent is to make our children responsible for their own life and this process needs to start as early as possible because lets accept this one fact of life that we are not going to be with our children in all the circumstances of life and ultimately they have to take the reins of their life in their own hands. So it needs to be examined in what all areas of their life we as parents have to be after them to complete a task and in what all areas they do their tasks on their own. The idea is to become present in what areas we have to put the responsibility back at them. Also, it needs to be checked whether both parents are taking care of their own stuff or not because the way parents lead their life has a great impact on the way children will lead their life. Children will do what we do, they will not do what we say or instruct.

Also, one of the secrets of effective parenting is that good communication starts with you. Good communication means being able to talk/communicate with your child without any yelling or shouting. We are the biggest examples for our children in every little thing that we do. Consequently the way both parents communicate among themselves has an impact on the way children will communicate with their friends, siblings and parents. Another thing to keep in mind is to listen to children with the intent of understanding their feelings. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and really get what they are feeling. Children are longing to be heard and understood especially by their parents.

Also children who feel loved by their parents are more likely to open up their world and also listen in a calm manner. Discuss the problem with them with the intention of finding the solution together. When children have a say then they are more likely to listen and communicate effectively with parents. 

WHY SHOULD CHILDREN BE NATURE FRIENDLY?

Children by their very nature are born happy and healthy but as they grow up and come in contact with their surroundings and environment, a lot of layers start developing around their personality. These layers can be emotional layers of labels such as shy, lazy, naughty, stubborn, obedient etc. which undeniably put them in a box and restrict their growth. However, today, we are going to talk about the other dimension of layer, i.e., the physical aspect and its impact on children’s development as they grow up.  

The world today…

Today, the world around us is becoming apathetic and disconnected from its natural origins. It has failed to realize that humans have a basic dependence on nature for their own growth and development. Nature provides for our basic necessities in daily life, for example, food, water, air, source of energy, resources for shelter and many other things. Many children, especially in urban areas are more involved in playing the latest video game or play station rather than playing outdoors. This is an alarming situation and we must take charge if we want our kids to become adults who care about this planet rather than adults who just care about making money, going about their own business and being enslaved by consumerism to entertain themselves.

It is also true that children today have very few opportunities to engage with nature and outdoor play than the children of the past. Increasing number of crimes has led parents to prevent their children from unstructured unsupervised outdoor plays. Concept of ‘stranger danger’ has restricted many children to loiter freely in their neighbourhoods. Also, various forms of pollutions leading to diseases are leading adults to keep children indoors. While kids do get some exposure to outdoor play when they are in school during recess or organized sports activities but unstructured play and engaging with nature is scarce. Even in school time not all children get exposure to the outdoors in appropriate amounts.

In such a dismaying situation what can parents do to ensure their children are engaged with the natural world? Let us explore.

Parents’ role in making children nature friendly

Today, virtual is replacing the real. TV channels like national geographic and discovery, youtube videos, nature documentaries, magazines etc. are having children believe that nature is something alien… something far-fetched, places they can hope to visit one day. As parents it is our role to make children understand that nature exists in the here and now… in their backyards, in their gardens, in the outside. Outdoor plays and exploring the natural world stimulate all five senses in children and also nurtures their holistic development by stimulating the physical, cognitive, language, emotional and social domains of development. It can also make children more relaxed and focussed. For all parents, I encourage you to find teachable moments in your activities of daily life in order to inculcate a love for nature in children. Following are few suggestions:

1.    It is a great idea to get your children a magnifying glass so that they can get an enhanced view of the flowers, plants, insects, mud, grass etc. and let them explore freely. Encourage them to ask questions even if you don’t have all the answers. You may also get them a pair of binoculars to explore the sky.

2.      Organize frequent outdoor play dates or picnics with parents of other kids so that children can freely play while parents are around to ensure their safety. Such activities are a great way to build strong bonds and learn social skills as well.

3.   Encourage them to take their blocks, dolls, play dough, art materials etc. outdoors. The stuff that children enjoy indoors can take a totally different meaning when taken outdoors, making children more creative in their thinking.

4.   Involve children in outdoor chores such as gardening, washing the car, taking your dog for a walk, sowing seeds in small pots and taking care of them if there is no garden, setting up bird houses for feeding. Such activities are essential for developing practical life skills in children and also a sense of empathy.

5.    We all know that kids love playing with water. It is a sensory activity for them. Let go of your inhibitions about catching infections in a pool of mud water (exceptions accepted) and let children be. Let them splash and explore themselves with water play whether it is a rainy day or not. This can also be a great way to lay foundations for later scientific learning and also about having conversations on water conservation.

The above suggestions are not an exhaustive list but it can serve as an indication to think of more ideas to engage with the natural world.

Last but not the least, be a role model for your children by having a love for nature and outdoors yourself. Children don’t follow what you tell them but they do what you do. So, take the responsibility of inculcating a love for outdoors in your children as this will also go a long way in nurturing a love for the planet earth in them and a passion about protecting the environment. Let them be in wonder and awe of the natural world and get them to start thinking about how their individual efforts affect the world they live in, as well as how little changes can and will make a difference to their own development.

Playing outdoors offers the hope that children will develop the environment values to become the future respectful safeguards of mother earth and protect its natural wonders.

Let us be the pebble in the pond that creates a ripple of change through our children.

Go green. Happy parenting!