Q. Hi I am a mother of twin boys. I am in need of your guidance on how to improve my both sons habit of not listening to what we say; they shout a lot and do not take care of their own stuff. We both parents have to be after them to take care of their own stuff. They are 10 years old. Please help.
First of all it needs to be examined whether this is happening every time you say something to your children or there are specific instances wherein they don’t want to listen. Also, is it that you both parents have to be after them every time to complete their tasks?
One of our primary roles as a parent is to make our children responsible for their own life and this process needs to start as early as possible because lets accept this one fact of life that we are not going to be with our children in all the circumstances of life and ultimately they have to take the reins of their life in their own hands. So it needs to be examined in what all areas of their life we as parents have to be after them to complete a task and in what all areas they do their tasks on their own. The idea is to become present in what areas we have to put the responsibility back at them. Also, it needs to be checked whether both parents are taking care of their own stuff or not because the way parents lead their life has a great impact on the way children will lead their life. Children will do what we do, they will not do what we say or instruct.
Also, one of the secrets of effective parenting is that good communication starts with you. Good communication means being able to talk/communicate with your child without any yelling or shouting. We are the biggest examples for our children in every little thing that we do. Consequently the way both parents communicate among themselves has an impact on the way children will communicate with their friends, siblings and parents. Another thing to keep in mind is to listen to children with the intent of understanding their feelings. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and really get what they are feeling. Children are longing to be heard and understood especially by their parents.
Also children who feel loved by their parents are more likely to open up their world and also listen in a calm manner. Discuss the problem with them with the intention of finding the solution together. When children have a say then they are more likely to listen and communicate effectively with parents.
